Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
