Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
