singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
