the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
