sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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