all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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