Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
