i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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