just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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