she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
