No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
