you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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