your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
