But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
