you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
