when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
