I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's always time for handjobs
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
