THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
high people should be assigned attendants
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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