HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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