A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
