btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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