It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
