Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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