At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
