I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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