my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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