She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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