my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
