I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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