She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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