Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
