I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
