Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize