You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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