Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
