So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
