Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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