I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
