Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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