No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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