I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
