Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
