and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need to wash the frat house off of me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
