Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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