Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
