You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
