I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
