I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
