The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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