Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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