I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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