don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I would ride that face into the sunset
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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