She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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