I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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