so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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