I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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