Best friends brother. Beat that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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