Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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