I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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