There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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