Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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