in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize