K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
