Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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