i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
