Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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