Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
