I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
