dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
