U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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