i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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