...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
