You can't motorboat a personality
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
