brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
