So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
