The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yo dont text me then not text me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
