Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize