at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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