used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We need to get me chipped asap
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
