we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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