The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
