The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
