Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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