she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
