Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
4 words: hood of his car
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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