so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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