it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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