are you so shy because you have an std?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize