Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
