No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize