I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
