My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
