someone threw a dead crab at me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
