It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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