New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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