3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize