Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
