I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
