And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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